MICROSOFT OFFICE BOY

                       

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." 

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". 

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Morals of the story: 

Moral 1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........

Have a great day!!!

FUNNY CORPORATE LESSONS

STORY - 1

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk.
“I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world” Poof! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

 STORY - 2

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”
The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


STORY -3

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. 

STORY -4
 
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are: 1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

STORY -5

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The woman below responded, "You must be in Senior Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

 
Moral of the story: Education and cadre do not guarantee wisdom.

funny nursery teacher

Telugu Maid Speaking in English

funny english teacher

DIALOGUES FOR PRACTICE

ROLE PLAYS / SITUATIONAL DIALOGUES FOR PRACTICE

1.       Sudha : In which class are you studying?

Radha : I am in Eighth Standard. What about you?

Sudha : I am in Ninth Standard.

Radha : Do you come to school by bus?

Sudha : Yes. I travel by bus. I have to catch Route No. 24 bus.

Radha : It has passed on just 15 minutes before.

Sudha : There is another bus at 4.45 p.m.

Radha : Who is he leaning on the iron pole?

Sudha : He is a beggar. He is a trouble to the passengers.

Radha : He seems to be blind.

Sudha : We must help the blind people. 

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2.       Ramesh : Good morning! Madam.

Head Mistress : Good morning. Sit down. What do you want?

Ramesh : I want admission into Sixth Standard.

Head Mistress : Where did you study last year?

Ramesh : I studied in Vijayawada.

Head Mistress : Then why do you want admission here?

Ramesh : My father got transferred to Ameerpet Branch.

Head Mistress : What is your father?

Ramesh : He is a Bank Officer.

Head Mistress : Where is he?

Ramesh : He is seated there. Shall I call him?

Head Mistress : Fill in this application form and come in the afternoon.

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          3.   Teacher : Latha, Stand up. What am I teaching now?

         Latha : Sir, you are teaching grammar.

         Teacher : All of you should look at the board. See the word. Today we are going to practice   

               Grammar. Ravi, what is the spelling of grammar?

         Ravi: GRAMMER.

         Teacher : Latha, is the spelling correct?

         Latha : No, Sir. The spelling is wrong. The correct spelling is GRAMMAR.

         Teacher : Good. Now I am now going to teach you about nouns. What is a noun?

         Latha : A noun is the name of a person, a place or a thing.

         Teacher : Hyderabad is a big city. This sentence has two nouns.

         Latha : Sir! What are they?

         Teacher : Hyderabad and city.

         Latha : What kind of nouns are they, Sir?

        Teacher : Hyderabad is a proper noun and City is a common noun.

               *********************************************************

        4.   Teacher : Where is Raju?

        Sanjay : Sir, He is absent to-day.

        Teacher : Why is he absent?

        Sanjay : Sir, he has gone to Kurnool to attend his cousin’s marriage.

              Teacher : Has he sent the leave letter through you?

        Sanjay : No, Sir.

        Teacher : Then it is very bad. You must not be absent without leave letter.

        Sanjay : Yes, Sir.

        Teacher : Have you answered the paragraph questions?

        Sanjay : Yes, sir. We have.

        Teacher : Boys, Look at that picture on the wall.

        Sanjay : Who is he?

       Teacher : He is a Bengali Poet named Tagore.

       Sanjay : Sir, I know about him very well. He got Nobel Prize for literature. 

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5.       Satish : Good morning both of you. He is my friend Hemanth.

Hemanth : Good morning. Who is he?

Satish : He is Rakesh.

Hemanth : Good Morning Rakesh.

Rakesh: Good Morning Hemanth.

Satish : Where are you studying Rakesh?

Hemanth : I am studying in St. Francis College.

Satish : Do you go to College by bus?

Hemanth : No. I go to college on foot. What about you Satish?

Satish : I go to college by bus.

Hemanth : Do you like to witness cricket match?

Satish : I am interested in watching one day matches.

Hemanth : Very fine. We shall go to Racecourse grounds to watch one-day match.

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6.       Ramesh : Sunitha… When did you arrive at the station?

Sunitha : I came here at 5 p.m.

Ramesh : Which train are you waiting for?

Sunitha : I am waiting for the Kachiguda Express.

Ramesh : What is the time of departure?

Sunitha : 19.40 hrs.

Ramesh : Have you reserved?

Sunitha : I have reserved two tickets for me and my brother.

Rao : We are going to our grandfather's house.

Ramesh : Where does you grandfather reside?

Rao : He resides at Kovvur near Rajahmundry.

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7.    Journalist : Good morning Sir. Could I have some information? What does the term call centre mean?

PRO : Call centre is a multi-faceted work-place where various functions occur like customer service centres, information lines, reservation centres, help desks, etc. It is a sophisticated voice operations environment that provides a full range of high-volume, call handling services (inbound and outbound) including directory assistance, multilingual customer support, credit card services, operator services) interactive voice response and web-based services.

      Journalist : What size of accommodations is preferred by the call centres?

PRO : Call centres prefer large accommodation depending on their work load and customer base.

Journalist : How large or small is the call centre's work force and personnel costs?

PRO : The size of the work force depends on the functions of the centre. If it is a centralised call centre that handles various functions and their work force is large. Then the personnel costs are the most significant.

Journalist : Could you tell us about the technology they use?

PRO : The call centre’s technologies include Automatic Call Distribution (ACD), Interactive Voice Response (VR), Computer Telephony Integration (CTI) which allows the actions of the computer to be synchronised with what is happening on the phone. They employ Customer Relationship Management (CRM) technologies and other database systems too.

Journalist : What types of calls do the call centres handle?

PRO : Types of calls are often divided into outbound and inbound. Outbound calls are those which the agent initiates to a customer with the aim of selling a product or a service to that customer. Inbound calls are initiated by the customer to obtain information, report a malfunction or ask for help.

Journalist : How are the staff organised?

PRO : The staff of the call centre are organised in tiers. The First tier consists of unskilled workers who are trained to resolve issues using a simple script. If the First tier is unable to do so, then issue is transferred to a more skilled second tier. In some cases, there may be a third tier of support too.

Journalist : Do the call centres get criticised and if so, for what?

PRO : Yes. They do. Some critics say that the work atmosphere in such an environment is below human standard. Some criticise about the low rates of pay and the other constrains put on the staff by the employers. For example, there is the restriction of time that a staff can spend in the toilet. Apart from that, the cal1ers complain about the skill level of the staff and their inability in solving the problem for which the customer calls.

Journalist : Could you tell us about why there is a trend to move call centres to India?

PRO : One reason is the large number of English speaking workers available who can be employed cheap. Also, Indian technology is good and infrastructure is cheap.

Journalist : What does the future hold for call centre employment in India?

PRO : According to the survey conducted by the Employment Cell of India, call centres are going to be the largest job providers in India. The Rs. 81,000 crore industry including other IT-enabled services is expected to generate 20, 00,000 jobs in the near future. The future looks good for the call centre industry because India has a large number of graduates and undergraduates with good command over English. Indian technology is good and infrastructure is available cheap and also effectively trained manpower which is the backbone of a call centre.

Journalist : How is an Indian call centre executive's work rated?

PRO : Indian call centre executives take 8 to 10 minutes in processing their call, whereas call centre executives in the U.K. and the U.S. take 12 to 15 minutes to perform the same task. This saves time and increases efficiency levels. Indians have neutral accent and easily understandable English Accent compared to people in China and other countries.

Journalist : Thank you very much for giving us your valuable time and information.

PRO : You're most welcome. Let me also thank you for taking your time to gather information on call centres. Hope to see the write up in your publication.

Journalist : You're we1come. We will send you a copy of our journal in which the article gets published. Good day sir.

PRO : Good day! 

*******************************************************

8.    Rajesh : Good morning Sir.

CEO : Good morning. Please sit down, Mr. Rajesh. Well! I am Krishnaishan Prasad The CEO of this company.

Rajesh : So glad to meet you Sir.

CEO : Good to meet you too. Your CV is very impressive. You have done well in your academics and have got through with flying colours!

Rajesh : Thank you very much Sir.

CEO : Well! Bright students like you generally proceed to foreign universities for higher studies. How come you didn't opt for it?

Rajesh : First of all, my parents couldn't afford it. Secondly, I didn’t want to as I believe Indian institutions offer quality education and it depends on the students to make the best use of it.

CEO : Well! You have done B.E. in Computer Engineering and have proceeded to do MBA and specialised in marketing instead of doing Masters in the same under graduation subject. Is there any particular reason for it?

Rajesh : Well! I felt a technical degree along with Master in marketing would help me move upwards in my career.

CEO : That is good thinking! Certainly that's why you are here for this interview. We are looking for fresher with such an educational combination to take on as trainees.

Rajesh : Thank you very much Sir. Well! May I know how long the training will be?

CEO : Training will be for six months. Initially it will be held in Mumbai. Later, trainees will be shifted to the regional offices for on-the-job training for another six months. Afterwards they will be placed in anyone of the regional offices.

Rajesh : Is there any exam to be passed at the end of the training sir?

CEO : No. No exam as such. But you will be assessed for your performance through the entire training period.

Rajesh : Sir, when will I get to know the result of this interview?

CEO : Say, within two weeks. You see, we have scheduled a number of interviews for this week. You have a bright chance Mr. Rajesh. Best of luck!

Rajesh : Thank you very much Sir. You're very kind.

CEO : You're welcome!

 ******************************************************

        9.        LIBRARY ASSISTANT: Good morning, sir, May I help you?

         Sridhar : Good morning. I am looking for some books on English language teaching and I would   

               like to enroll as a member too.

          LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Oh! Sure. We have plenty of material on English language teaching. 

                Please have a look at the available range and if you are satisfied, you can surely enrol as a  

                member.

          Sridhar : Oh! That's splendid! Where can I find them?

          LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Please go to the middle section and there is a full section to your right.

          (Sridhar visits the section and comes back to the front desk.)

          Sridhar : Oh! There is quite a stock. Now, may I know the rules for enrolment?

          LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Well. You need to fill in this application form and you have to be       

                introduced by a member of this library. Or else, you have to get the application counter- 

                signed by the head of your department or institution.

          Sridhar : Well! You see, I don't work for any particular institution alone. I am a freelance trainer  

                for Spoken English and Communication and work for various training institutions. In other    

                words,  I am self-employed and I am the boss. But I know some of your members and I can get 

                the necessary introduction.

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Oh! That'll be Fine.

Sridhar : By the way, what is the membership fee?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : It is five hundred rupees annually.

Sridhar : How many books can I take at one time?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : You can take three books and two journals at one time.

Sridhar : How long can I keep them?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Two weeks are the limit and after that there is a late fee of two rupees per book per day.

Sridhar : That's okay. Do you have a card-catalogue?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : No. It's computerised. You can check the titles and authors in the computer.

Sridhar : Oh! That's fine. Tell me, do you have any other facility?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : Yes. We have a microfilm section and you can also watch videos.

Sridhar : Very good! Are you open on Sundays?

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : No. We are open from Monday to Saturday from 9.30 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Sridhar : That suits me fine. I will come tomorrow with the filled in application. Thank you very much. You have been a great help.

LIBRARY ASSISTANT : You are most welcome. Good day! 

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10. Shekhar : Hey! Srinu! Have you been waiting for long?

Srinu : Hi! Shekhar! I just arrived a few minutes ago. Srinu is supposed to join us. Isn’t he?

Shekhar : Yes. He is. Oh! There he is! Hey! Srinu we are here.

Amar : Hey Guys! Nice to see you both. Hope I am not late!

Shekhar : Oh! You are just in time. Sit down and relax. Shall we order some drinks?

Srinu : That'd be fine. (to the waiter) Excuse me. Can I have your menu for the beverages? (He brings it and they order some drinks for three).

          

Srinu : Fine. Now tell me what's the occasion for this sudden invitation to dinner?

Shekhar : Friends it’s in honour of my birthday.

Srinu and Amar :Happy birthday to you dear Shekhar. Happy birthday to you! What a pleasant surprise!

Shekhar : Come on guys! It's just a pretext to meet you! You know well that we are grown up enough not to celebrate birthdays!

Srinu : Well! Whatever! It's 'a good thought. Once again, many happy returns of the day!

Amar : That's right. Especially when we are so far away from home and families.

Shekhar : Yes. I got a bit nostalgic remembering how my dad and mom, sister and brother used to make a lot of fuss on my birthday! They used to invite friends over for lunch, dinner, etc. This morning they called to wish me. My mother's special instruction was not to have dinner alone and to call friends over.

Srinu : I understand. I too felt the same on my birthday last month. Most probably all three of us are on our own for our birthdays for the first time.

Amar : Well! Mine is fast approaching. It is next month. Now I know what to do on my birthday.

Shekhar : Great! So we have another invitation corning next month!

Srinu : What to do? We have grown into men and moved out of home in search of professional prospects and we have to make the best of the situation.

Srinu : That's right.

Shekhar : Well! I think we should place our orders now.

Steward : Could I have the order sir?

Shekhar : Oh! Sure! Amar, Srinu!! You both select what you want. For me, it's Chinese. One chicken fried rice and mixed prawns and capsicum. (Steward notes them down)

Srinu : I am taking Mughalai. Please make it paneer, aloo masala, tandoori chicken and butter nan. (Steward notes them down).

Amar : I want South Indian special masala dosa, rava kichadi and vada. (Steward notes them down)

Steward : How about some soup sir?

All of Them : No. Not for us.

Steward : How about the dessert, sir? You can also order later.

Amar : That'd do for now. Let's order dessert after we eat all this. Tell me how long will you take to serve?

Steward : In a few minutes sir. We won't keep you waiting.

Shekhar : Very good!

(They eat and order some dessert)

Srinu : That was a splendid dinner Shekhar. Doubly so, because, we shared it on your birthday.

Amar : Yes Shekhar. Especially when we are so far away from home.

Shekhar : I am so happy you both shared the dinner with me today. Thanks a ton folks!

Srinu : Actually we should be thanking you. By the way, Amar, you know now how to spend your birthday. Don’t you? (in undertones) That's if you don't have better company than us. (winks)

Amar : Oh! Sure! But we will choose another restaurant. Not that anything is wrong with this place.

Srinu : That's right. This is good. Still we will choose another so that we will get to eat at other places too.

Shekhar : That's a good idea! So let's keep in touch.

Srinu and Amar : Certainly. Bye for now.

Shekhar : Good night. Take care. See you.

Srinu and Amar : Bye. Bye.

Shekhar : Bye. Bye. 

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